WARNING! Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning!
Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom and her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the More-government decided that best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she died.
Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death.
Now send this to ten other pictures on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn't. This isn't fake. apparently, if u copy and paste this to ten comments in the next ten minutes u will have the best day of ur life tomorrow. u will either get kissed or asked out, if u break this chain u will see a little dead girl in your room tonight. in 53 mins someone will say i love you or im sorry
Girl: Do u even like me?
Girl: Would u cry if i walked away?
She heard enough and was hurt... She walked away with tears in her eyes
The boy grabbed her arm
Boy: Your not pretty...your beautiful
Boy: I dont want to be with u forever...I need to be with u forever
Boy: I dont like u...I love u
Boy: I wouldn't cry if u walked away......I would die if u walked away.
Boy Whispers: Plz stay with me
Girl: I will...
*Tonight at midnight your true love will realize they loves u
*Something good will happen to u at 1-4pm
*Tomorrow it could be anywhere!!!
*Get ready for the shock of your life!
*If u dont post this to 5 other comments... You will have baD luck in relationships for the next 10 years
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU SET THIS UP?!?!?!?
Oh, you guys are so dead after this.
(P.S. luv dat end music.)
The name of the character is Sophia, that my name! ( the PH too...)
Her hair is brown. Like mine!
As far as the visuals go, using mmd is a good idea, but can be really limiting as far as outfits the characters are wearing, what characters you can include, ect. Also I would work on the little graphics and the fonts. There are a lot of fonts out there (I use Dafont.com) for free that can suit these games a little better. (as a designer I really like to use simple clean fonts for large blocks of text, it just makes it easier to read.) And just make sure that you keep the graphics clean. Like the tomato graphics you used, I would take a little more time and make sure you erase all of the white background. You should also keep the style of the fonts, graphics, and overall games the same or similar. For example the tomato you used feels more like it should go on a pizza box instead of an anime dating sim. I'm sure you can find little chibi or more anime style tomatoes to use. If you have a lot of trouble with design overall, don't be afraid to ask about collaborations. You do have some really cute ideas!
As far as the writing and characterization goes, just make sure you keep everyone in character. I read the manga and I've read through a lot of tutorials and guidelines for writing Hetalia characters and that's really helped me with my characterization. Also I've found a lot of good doujinshiis and fanfictions with great characterization and if you want, I can send you some helpful links.
Now the plot is definitely pretty cute. Even with the ending where he, well, "want's you"(I would have to say it feels a little out of character, he is flirty but that was very, well, direct.) I just think from a gaming point of view, you want to give it a little more plot. Give the player some wiggle room and agency instead of leading them directly to the preferred ending. It just feels a little forced, especially in the Hetaloid one where all of the negative options led to a "try again". Try coming up with three or four other endings with plots branching off from the different options. I've read a lot of "choose your own adventure" books, which were really the original dating sim games, and they were a lot of fun with all of the different endings and plots and such. I would just take your basic plot, and then see what you can add to it from the different options you give.
Also, I would make sure you develop the relationship more. It felt very rushed and I knew the person I was playing had a crush on him, but I didn't know if they were dating, friends, almost strangers, and then the next thing I know, sex. Just make sure you give yourself time to build that up, weather it be romance or lust.
Speaking of romance and lust, you definitely want to work on building up the mood for a statement like the end. The outside was nice, but maybe mention the moonlight on his skin or the look in his eyes. I would also show some of what the "you" character is feeling. Their face heating up, their heart fluttering, ect. And also, Romano is certainly flirty, and I'm sure he'd gladly take a cute boy or girl for his birthday present. But in my opinion, he would lead up to it more. Flirty looks, mentioning how cute "you" look, again, I would take a look at some more fanfictions and doujinshiis. I could also write you an edited version of that scene if you think that might be helpful. I honestly write more smut then I'd like to admit, but I really believe that the journey is better then the destination, especially when the destination isn't shown. As far as the very end goes, I think it would be more in character, and even if not in character more practical, to have them do the do outside, not to go back in and basically announce it. For the little joke at the end you could just do a "several minutes later" with them walking back in and the rest of the party saying it worked. I just think that would work a little better.
I hope you don't mind the critique, but you have some really cute ideas and you're pretty good at mmd too, there was just a lot of room for improvement in your dating sim games. You don't have to, but I think your next game will turn out really good if you keep my advice in mind. I've been in the fandom for quite a few years (I'm an adult now actually) and I see some real potential for a really good Hetalia dating sim.
Me: *nosebleed unleashed*
I got a nosebleed!!! XD